I don’t think enough is said about post adoption depression. I think many pre-adoptive parents think it won’t happen to them. I was one of those who wanted a child so badly that I never considered an adjustment period. I could never imagine myself anything but blissfully happy as a new mom. I dismissed any notion and was not willing to consider it. I think other adoptive parents suffer silently out of shame and fear. I typically will only speak for myself in most situations but today I speak for the new Mom that suffers in silence.
After all we have done to adopt this child, all the dossier work, the paper chasing, the medical exams, the home study, all of the waiting, hoping and wishing and now your home with your new kiddo and more depressed than you have ever been. We don’t feel entitled to the depression, we feel held to a higher standard as an adoptive mom. We were held under the spotlight and scrutinized for so long that we feel the need to be a stellar Mom. No complaints will leave our lips because how can we complain when there are so many others just waiting for their chance to be parents.
We don’t allow ourselves to hurt, to grieve, to adjust to this new life. We wont admit to missing our old childfree life. We wont admit that the we are not feeling all loving feelings for our new child.We put on a smile when friends pop by; we manage to pull ourselves together to fake it. We our happy to finally have our children,but are surpised that all the feelings we thought would be present are missing. We are sad; we just went through a huge emotional ride. We traveled half way around the world when typically we don’t even like going 30 miles across town.
We are afraid to talk about it…. What will people think? will they think we don’t love our newly adopted child? will they think that we are bad parents? will they take our child away? So we suffer in silence. We cry and we pray. We tell ourselves its just jet lag… yeah that’s it. We beat ourselves up and don’t know where to turn. You’re not alone. Get help if you need it. It does get better. I can vouch for that. Need someone to talk to? Email me anytime @ adoptiveparentblogger@adoptionmail.com
Resources
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/adoption/1374199.html
http://www.adoption.org/adopt/adoption-depression-syndrome.php
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art385.asp
http://iparentingadoption.com/resources/articles/postadoption.htm
http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/16164876.htm
My Story
http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/trouble-in-paradise-my-attachment-story
Forum for PADS
http://forums.adoption.com/adoptive-parents-post-adoption-emotional-issues